I lost 2.2 lbs this week, but more importantly:
One-derland
It was a very nice Christmas present to receive.
Gratitude December 21, 2009
This year marks the four-year anniversary of my sister Caitlyn’s liver transplant.
I can’t describe to you what it’s like to watch someone fight for their life. It’s horrifying and heartbreaking, nerve-wracking and exhausting. I sincerely hope that you and your families never, ever have to go through anything like it.
I want to say thank you to some people I’ve never met. People I will probably never meet.
To the families of the people who donated their livers so my sister can live, I just want to offer my undying gratitude. You of all people know what it’s like to lose someone close to you, and you prevented myself and my family from knowing the same grief.
I think about you all the time.
I know that while my family is celebrating a happy anniversary, you are soberly reflecting on an anniversary of your own. I think about our Christmas miracle, as we sometimes refer to her, and know that your miracle never came. You had to say goodbye to your loved one four years ago.
You are kind and generous people who gave my 17-year-old sister the chance to reach her twenties, go to college and even move in with her long-term boyfriend (I’m still not sure how I feel about that one). Your gift was so priceless and benevolent that I don’t actually have adequate words to thank you properly. I am humbled by your choice to donate your loved ones organs.
Merry Christmas to you and all your families. May you have some peace and know that even though your loved one isn’t with you, they live on in my sister and others like her who received their gift of life from your relative. You are in my thoughts and prayers constantly and you have my sincere gratitude.
God bless you and your family.
Thief in the Night December 17, 2009
I think I’m a smuggler. Or, at the very least, a co-conspirator to smuggling.
Let me explain.
There are many, many, many products that exist in the USA that we cannot get here in Canada (it works the other way too – the suckers south of our border cannot get ketchup potato chips and I feel sorry for them). Many of the products are diet-friendly and it annoys me to no end that I cannot get my greedy mitts on them.
The most annoying? The fact that Fage yogurt is not sold in Canada. I read a lot of weight loss blogs and EVERYONE raves about this stuff. Not only as a great, protein rich snack, but also as a substitute for sour cream (something that I LOVE).
As you might recall, I dispatch trucks for a living and some of those trucks venture into the USA. I begged persuaded one of my drivers to search out Fage and bring it back to me. I have 10 containers in my possession as we speak and I am super excited to try it tonight.
I also got him to bring me back some Arnold Sandwich Thins too. I bought these the last time I went south and then cursed myself for not stocking up and putting them in the freezer. I really enjoy a bun that is only worth 1 WW point and these ones even taste really good.
Of course now that I’ve found a sucker driver nice enough to grocery shop for me in the USA, I plan to try many, many new products.
I just hope that the Canadian Border Service doesn’t find out about me!
Roll With It December 15, 2009
I’m down 2.2 lbs this week. It was a good week, albeit a tough one.
This is such a hard time of the year! Between being so busy that it’s been hard to hit the gym more than twice a week to going to events where the purpose is to eat, I’m really struggling.
This weekend, I attended two Christmas parties, one concert and had dinner and a movie night with my closest friend. I’ll be honest, I really tried to watch what I was eating – except for the french fries on Sunday night – but it’s been difficult! I also deeply miss the gym. I’ve only been able to get there once this week and twice last week because I’m just so darned busy!
I’m actually kind of thankful to the bookstore to be honest. I think running around there, hefting books, bending, squatting and just plain being on my feet has really helped in the weight loss department. It’s not as effective as the gym would be, but at least it’s SOMETHING.
Have a good week everyone!
Bad Idea December 10, 2009
I have broken down. I have failed to resist temptation. I have joined Twitter and now “tweet” or whatever.
I’ve added it to the sidebar on my blog, or you can follow me if you’d like. My user name is tara_hie. Original! It’s my first and last name! Oops, I don’t think I’m supposed to tell the internet my last name. My bad.
Hurts So Good December 8, 2009
Sorry for the scarcity of the posting lately! I’m so swamped! Between working two jobs (one of them in retail), holiday commitments and trying to get some exercise in (note the operative word: trying), I’m not finding much time to blog.
I promise that I will never miss a Tuesday check-in though. That is sacred.
I’m down 2.6 lbs this week, taking me tantalizingly close to my end of year goal. I need to lose a further 3.3 lbs to get under 200 lbs and I have three weeks to do it in. These are the REALLY difficult three weeks to get through, but I’m going to do my best. I’m headed to the gym on Thursday morning (I promised myself I wouldn’t attempt to get up at 5 am the day after I worked at the bookstore till 9 pm – there just isn’t time for any kind of life otherwise) and then I go away this weekend to Hawkesbury for a drivers lunch and meeting. I’m spending the night in our nation’s capitol (Ottawa, ON) and plan to hit the gym on Sunday before I fly home.
I wanted to respond to a comment that was left on my last post. The Forthright Fattie said that she was halfway jealous of my revelation that life isn’t about food and that there’s a big difference between loving food properly and loving food improperly. I couldn’t agree with her more on that one.
My problem, I think, is different. I don’t think I love food. At all. My best friend loves food. She loves to try new foods, she loves to eat food prepared differently by different people. She loves the textures, the smells and memories that can be evoked by food.
I’m not like that. I don’t love food, I love to eat. There’s a huge difference. Loving to eat is much more deadly in my opinion. I don’t crave foods very often, but I have to fight not to stuff myself far more frequently than I would like. I think in the past I’ve really felt like if I ate enough, I could feel SOMETHING. I think I was wandering around so afraid to live life that I numbed myself out. Eating till I was uncomfortable was a way to feel. Even if it was a negative feeling.
I’m still working on getting past this, because I have my moments where I give in to it. I went to a handbag party (like Tupperware, but for designer knockoffs) on Friday at a friend’s house and ate far too much. I knew I was doing it, but I did it anyway. It felt good to feel unbearably full. I’m just glad that I mostly (mostly being the operative word) gorged on vegetables, but still, it’s pretty screwed up to want to eat till it hurts.
I wish I could solve the mystery as to why I do this. I wish I could go back in time and try and stop this problem before it developed. I can’t do either of those things though. All I can do is try and correct the behavior enough times until it becomes a habit.
It’s a Long Way Back December 1, 2009
This week I lost 4 lbs. It’s a nice number to see on the scale considering my gain last week. It’s also nice considering the nutso week I’ve had.
Friday night I went away on an annual girls weekend in Niagara Falls. There’s always drinking and gambling and it’s awesome. This year, instead of a steak and loaded baked potato, I ordered the grilled chicken breast (and then removed the skin), rice and steamed vegetables. I did have one glass of wine, but that was it in terms of hooch. I still had a great time, I still got to see my friends and I still got to laugh my ass off. I also still managed to lose some money at the casino, thus proving myself wrong in that I figured I only did badly there because I was drinking. Einh.
There was a hangover breakfast the next morning at IHOP, where I had poached eggs, wheat toast and some hash browns. Again, the world didn’t end because I didn’t get to pig out on the Strawberry-Banana Pancakes like I would have in years past. I still had a great time, because the trip isn’t about food. LIFE ISN’T ABOUT FOOD for me anymore. It feels really good to feel this way. I know that I yo-yo back and forth with that feeling, some days it’s easy to feel that way, sometimes food is all I can think about, but the good days are starting to outweigh the bad.
On Sunday I had a date with a boy I met through eHarmony. That’s right! I’ve started to online date. It’s about as terrible as it sounds and I swear if one person comments that “I know someone who met their gf/bf online and now they’re married/blissfully happy/having their first baby”, I will smack them (at least virtually). I hate doing it, but it’s impossible to meet guys since I don’t frequent bars and I figured it was worth a shot. The date was neither bad nor good, but I won’t see him again. He was nice and good-looking but there was no chemistry.
However, the date meant that I ate out AGAIN and avoided disaster for a third time. That must be some kind of personal record and I’m extremely proud of myself.
Something else I’m proud of? It’s my one year anniversary!
I’ve been losing weight and blogging about it for one year. In that year I’ve had more success than I ever could have dreamed of.
I have lost 122.4 lbs
I have lost 19.7 BMI points
I have lost six sizes on my bottom half and five sizes on my top half
I have lost the swelling and bruising in my ankles
I have gained the ability to run
I have gained confidence in myself beyond how I look
I have gained my life back
And it feels pretty fucking awesome.
Temptation Waits November 24, 2009
I’m up 2 lbs this week. Oops.
It’s not really a surprise. I had a wine and cheese night on Saturday with some girlfriends and drank AT LEAST a bottle and a half of wine. I also consumed quite a bit of cheese and other appetizers….funnily enough, the more I drank, the more food seemed to leap into my mouth all on its own. It’s amazing how that happens!
That’s the thing with this time of year! There’s always something to go to that puts you in the path of things that are not so diet friendly! And, while it’s all well and good to try and avoid them, or eat before you leave the house so you’re already full, it’s still tough.
I took the liberty of pulling out my calendar to check on what I’ve got going on in the next month or so and found that I am BOOKED SOLID for the next few weeks and many of these events somehow involve food.
I have my annual weekend getaway with my girls to Niagara Falls this weekend. That means a huge meal at this great Brazilian place on Friday night, followed by drinking and gambling and then a hangover breakfast on Saturday. I also have a date on Sunday (woo!), but we’re having dinner and I have read enough Cosmo to know that ordering a salad will SAY SOMETHING about the kind of girl I am, so I’ll have to figure out something else to eat.
Next weekend is free, but the weekend after that is my company’s holiday party and my driver’s meeting. Every other weekend in December is booked, with a few weeks having parties on both Friday and Saturday night!
I still want to hit my goal of getting under 200 lbs by the end of the year, but I think it’s going to be really tough. I’ll just have to do the best I can in each situation and hope that it’s enough.
Don’t Worry ‘Bout Me November 17, 2009
I had my first weigh-in since I went away to Hawkesbury today. I’m so relieved to not have gained weight, it’s not even funny. On top of being away from home, with all the stress that brings, I was also eating dinners in restaurants AND taking a break from working out. I’m down 0.6 lbs and I’m really proud of that.
I just wanted to thank everyone for the kind comments that you’ve left here over the last few weeks. Recovering from this stupid gall bladder thing has been really hard and terrible. I like to fancy myself Wonder Woman these days because I feel so great just about all the time, and this has been a terrible reminder that I don’t actually have super powers.
Don’t worry too much guys. I’m taking good care of myself, following the doctors orders and taking it one step at a time. I’m not so concerned about losing weight as I am backsliding on my fitness abilities. I never thought the day would come where I would enjoy working out, but I do. I miss the feeling I get deep inside after a workout. There’s this calm, zen-like feeling that washes over me for hours after I finish at the gym and I really notice it’s absence. I know that the gym will be there when I’m ready, but dammit! I want to be ready now!
It will come though. Until then, I’ll just enjoy that extra hour of sleep every morning.
Had Enough November 16, 2009
I went to the gym today for the first time since my surgery. I know I mentioned I was going to go in Hawkesbury, but I thought better of it and decided to heed my doctor’s recommendation to wait. I saw him on Friday and he cleared me to go back to working out.
Today was rough. My legs felt fine, my body felt strong, but my lungs. I haven’t had burning in my lungs from being out of breath in a VERY long time. Six minutes into the elliptical machine, I had to stop to drink some water and clear my throat. My lungs were working overtime.
Still, I finished my full hour of workout and left the gym feeling pleased as punch. It was hard, but I did it.
I got home tonight, changed into lounge clothes and realized my belly button felt kinda sore. In the last hour, it’s gone from kinda sore to “wow, I really can’t have my waistband sit there”. It’s turned bright red and it looks very angry.
Fuck.
I’m going to have to go and see my doctor and see what I’ve done to myself. This whole surgery thing sucks.
I’m going to weigh in tomorrow for the first time in weeks. I’m nervous.
