I don’t think anyone can really understand how being fat affects your life, unless they’re fat.
For instance, one of my greatest fears? Can anyone guess?
Chairs with arms.
That’s right! You know in every waiting room, they have those chairs that have the metal arms on them? I’m terrified I’m going to be in a situation where I’m forced to sit in one – like when I applied for my car loan. If I can fit in them AT ALL, it’s a minor victory and after I’ve been sitting there for about ten minutes, it becomes painful. My thighs are pressed together and the arms of the chair begin to cut off the circulation to my lower half. Don’t even get me started on what it’s like to get out of one of those chairs. I usually try and distract whoever I’m talking to, so they don’t notice me de-wedging myself. It never works. I can always see the look of pity on their faces as they notice me shift my bulk from side to side to extract myself.
It’s not just chairs with arms. It’s sitting aparatuses of all kinds. I’m constantly afraid I’m going to sit on something and hear it break. Can you imagine how embarassing that would be? But a lot of the time, I can’t just stand. Standing for long periods of time is painful to me too – I have to shift my weight back and forth on my feet in order to do it. Working at the bookstore (my part-time job) is extraordinarily hard for me, but I’m too proud to admit that my body isn’t up to the challenge anymore.
It’s things like this that make me more determined to lose weight. One day I plan to plunk myself in one of those waiting rooms and not be afraid.