A Perfect Version of Myself

Losing Weight is Hard

Make it Better January 15, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 10:38 pm
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I may have said this before, but I never used to think of myself as an emotional eater.  I was wrong, I’m very much an emotional eater.

Oh, I’ve never sat and cried as I ate a bowl of ice cream but when I’m grumpy or not feeling well, I turn to food.

Today I had a headache.  You know, one of those vicious ones that progresses from “ooh, that twinge in my head feels like it might become a pain” to “a vice has wrapped itself around my head and is trying to squeeze my eyeballs out of their sockets” in five seconds?  Tylenol stopped working for me recently, so I reached for my Motrin and discovered the bottle was empty.  Damn coworkers!  They know I keep a stocked pharmacy in my desk drawer and they raid it whenever they want!  Don’t they know the universal rule that you never take someones last ANYTHING?! 

Regardless, I was sitting there with my giant pounding head, foolishly hoping that the Tylenol I begged off of our receptionist would decide to work, and I had a craving.  For fast food.  I’ve had these cravings before, but they’ve usually occurred while I was watching a McDonald’s commercial and they go away once the stupid food porn has ended.  Not this time.  It was all I could think about.  Specifically, I wanted onion rings and a giant cheeseburger. 

The more I tried to talk myself out of it, the more I wanted it.  It was like one of those old school cartoons where the angel perches on one shoulder and the devil on the other.  I was activly upsetting myself by trying to talk myself out of eating a damn cheeseburger.  Then I realized something.  I was so sure that eating the burger was going to make me feel better.  I was low and hurting, and the food was going to make it better.  Was this true?  No!  But that’s what I felt and I felt it so strongly that I could have cried.

I made a promise to myself that if I still wanted the fast food tomorrow, I could have it for dinner.  I could go to Wendy’s and order a chicken sandwich and baked potato with broccoli and cheese (9 points – I looked it up to pacify myself).  Giving myself the permission to eat it tomorrow (when I’m feeling better) and only if I still wanted was enough to allow me to drive by the drive-thru window and come home to make a beef stir fry over brown rice – which was delicious and had no emotional strings attached.

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