A Perfect Version of Myself

Losing Weight is Hard

Anarchy Burger February 27, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 10:50 am

Do you think it’s possible to develop scurvy in one day?

Yesterday I barely ate any fruits and veggies.  Normally, they’re the mainstay of my diet – I eat more fruit than veggies, but at least that’s better than nothing. 

I had been craving a burger and fries for about a week, so I determined that it was a “real” craving and not the product of having a headache or missing my exercise.  I armed myself with the (somewhat horrifying) nutritional info from many websites and decided that my best (and yummiest) pick would be Licks.  Not only did this thrill me as Licks makes the best burgers in THE WORLD, but they also offer a veggie burger in a “snack pack” size that was six WW points for it and the bun.  Not bad, considering the alternatives.  I decided that my three month ban on french fries could be lifted for this one day and would get the kiddie size of those.   I figured this would satisfy my craving and not derail my lifestyle train.

The first problem occurred when the restaurant refused to sell me the kiddie sized fries.  I understand that I’m not 12 years old and under, but I was willing to pay for the regular sized fries and take the smaller version, so I’m not sure why they had a problem with this.  I decided that I would only eat the equivalent of the kiddie fries, but who are we kidding here?  If there are fries on the tray, I’m going to eat them.  I even dipped them in ketchup and flavoured them liberally with salt and vinegar.  They were delicious.

The second problem occurred when I arrived at the condiment bar to pick my toppings.  I realized that half the allure of Licks is their garlic-flavoured mayonnaise (called Guk).  IT’S INSANE!  So, so good and I wanted some on my burger.  I figured that it wouldn’t hurt considering I had gone with the non-meat burger and I had the girl put a tiny amount on the bun.  It seemed like it was worth it at the time.

When I got back to the office, I looked at the stats for what I had consumed.  18 WW points in one tiny little meal!!!!!  I could barely believe my eyes!  I had to have salad for dinner, which wasn’t as bad as I anticipated considering the fast food upset my stomach.

Still, I don’t think I’ll be doing that again any time soon.  Maybe in another three months when I’ve forgotten how icky I felt for the rest of the day.  This icky feeling is what led me to believe I have developed scurvy.  If you’ll excuse me I’m off to eat some oranges.


The Dream February 24, 2009

Filed under: Weight Loss Updates — Tara @ 8:20 pm

I have a secret goal.  My mother is coming to visit me from Thunder Bay at the end of March and I have a goal to have lost 40 lbs by the time she arrives.  I haven’t told her I’m losing weight, she knows that I’ve made some lifestyle changes – not eating out, giving up pop and juice – but I never told her I joined WW or that I’ve lost weight.  I’ve been wanting to shock her with my appearance.  Part of me was worried that I wouldn’t hit my weight loss goal by the time she came to visit but I’ve been trying to be positive and work towards it anyway.

I lost 3.4 lbs this week, which means that I only have to lose 3.6 lbs to hit my goal by the time my mom gets here! 

I’m so jazzed.  I love the weeks where I lose big numbers!  Seeing such a big drop makes me feel like I can do ANYTHING!  I feel like I could climb a mountain or do something really difficult (like eat fish) on days like this.  I still have miles to go, but I have confidence I’ll get there.  I have to remember this feeling on the weeks that aren’t so good because it is a humdinger of wonderful-ness.

Twelve weeks in and I feel like this is some kind of dream.  I have been peppering myself with positive self-talk this entire time but I think I’m actually starting to believe it.


Pizza Pie February 21, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 12:24 pm

I meant to write sooner and let everyone know that I did not eat the doughnut.  I repeat, I DID NOT EAT THE DOUGHNUT.  I’m pretty proud, cause I really (really) wanted it. 

I’m not trying to turn off any readers (all three of you) that are male, but I think that the week before my period, I lose my ability to judge when I’m full.  I swear to God, I could eat the entire fridge right now – shelves and all.  I’m resisting but it’s been a tough week.  Not only at home either.  First there were the Doughnut Debacle of Thursday and then there was Friday lunch.

Our company buys us lunch every Friday, it started when the company was quite small and has continued even through these tough economic times.  Usually we order Italian food from a local place down the road, and I resist eating it (it’s pretty easy, I got food poisoning from them once and funnily enough, their food lost it’s luster).  Sometimes we have what I call Portuguese Chicken, which is basically Portuguese style BBQ chicken with rice and potatoes.  I will usually eat this.  I strip the skin off the chicken and I only take a little bit of each of the starches.  It’s my favourite lunch, we only have it once every six weeks (give or take) and I don’t feel guilty.

Sometimes we order pizza and that’s not so hard for me to turn down given that my first job was at a Pizza Hut and I think I O’Ded on pizza after three years of working there.  This week we ordered pizza.  I wanted a slice so badly that I actually lifted the lid to sniff it.  Twice. 

I managed to snap myself out of it by promising myself that I could have a slice if I ate my lunch and was still hungry.  By the time I finished eating my Smart Ones, my yogurt and my 100 calorie pack, I wasn’t hungry and more importantly, the pizza was cold.  It didn’t have quite the same appeal as it had steaming hot and for that I am grateful.  It was a close call to me binging.  I’m glad I resisted!

My whole approach to this eating better thing has been to only get through one day at a time.  I know that sounds cheesy, but if I think about how long I’ll have to be doing this (for the rest of  my life), I start to freak out.  If I just concentrate on getting through one day, it’s not so overwhelming.

Hey, it works for alcoholics!


The Doughnut Song February 19, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 11:43 am

I’m blogging from work….shhhh!  Don’t tell anyone!

I’m breaking my own personal rule to not blog at work (a rule I made not because I hate wasting company time, but because I’m paranoid our IT department will read what I send across the network and know that I’m fat) because someone brought in doughnuts and I really want one.  I’m hoping that by writing this, I will talk myself out of eating any one.

I don’t even like doughnuts particularly!  Now if someone had have shown up with a Lick’s burger and some onion rings, I can see myself being tempted.  But a slightly stale doughnut from Tim Horton’s?!  They’re not even good ones?!  What is with this weirdo craving?  It’s affecting my desire to keep working at this!  I want to be thin now, dammit!  Not in a few years!

I think it’s a bit sad this desire to not actually work at losing weight can be directly correlated to my proximity to junk food!


The Good Life February 17, 2009

Filed under: Weight Loss Updates — Tara @ 10:30 pm

I had to work Family Day yesterday, which was horrible (for all you non-Ontario people, it’s this fake holiday our provincial politicians invented to get re-elected.  It means a day off in February, so no one is complaining).  It was so busy at work and I had to go in early as I was part of the skeleton staff that mans the place when the holidays between the USA and Canada don’t line up.  Because I went in early, I waited until I got home to go for my walk.

I think I’ve become one of those exercise addicts.  And it’s freaking me out.

All day long I felt draggy and tired.  I had no energy and I was so blah.  Blah, blah, blah.  At one point, I almost fell asleep at my desk and I couldn’t figure out why. 

Then I remembered that I didn’t get my walk in and I’m pretty sure that’s why I felt crappy.  See, normally I do it first thing in the morning.  I roll out of bed, into my sweats and head down to my basement to walk.  I never realized that this exercise was making me….FEEL GOOD?!  That’s so disturbing.  Soon I’ll be one of those people who use the word “endorphins” in a sentence and then I’ll have to move to India and get into yoga.

God, not yoga.  Anything but yoga.

In other news, I lost 1.8 lbs this week.  That brings my grand total up to 33 lbs, which is so awesome.  I think my weight loss has stabilized to 1-2 lbs per week, which is safer and better for you but not as fun.  It’s great to lose 4-5 lbs in one week.  It makes everything shinier.

As long as the numbers are going down and I’m feeling better, it’s all good.


No Way Out February 14, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 9:42 am

My sister sent me TWO sets of flowers today!  One was for Valentines Day and the other was because she’s proud of me trying to lose weight.  She’s so sweet.

It got me thinking about family support.  I live with my grandmother (it’s a very long story) who is just as committed to me being healthier and losing weight as I am.  Nanny told me the other day that she had been getting very concerned for my health before I started making changes.  I really had no idea that anyone besides me did that, but she told me that she used to hear me climb the stairs with my laundry and it would really freak her out how much I huffed and puffed. 

While it was nice to hear that someone was concerned about me, it made me feel terrible that I scared a 73 year old woman every time I went up and down the stairs.  I should have done something like this years ago and I really don’t know why I didn’t.

Was it because it was too hard?  Cause I think it’s hard now, but I’m still doing it.  It makes me mad at myself that I let it get this bad.  If I had’ve gone on a diet and STUCK to it a few years ago, I would have so much less weight to lose!  Plus my body would be stronger from not carrying around 300+ lbs for all these extra years!  If I had’ve lost this weight when I was younger, I wouldn’t have had the years of humiliation that comes with being severely obese…like the time I had my tonsils out (I was 24, I know that’s weird) and my doctors office scale couldn’t weigh me.  My doctor wrote that I was over 300 lbs on the pre-op sheet and just left it at that.  When I went for the surgery, the nurse there weighed me on the big scale and gave me a lecture on my weight in front of an entire room of people.  I wanted to die.

I wish I could figure out why things like this didn’t make me spring into action!


Walking in Circles February 10, 2009

Filed under: Weight Loss Updates — Tara @ 10:27 pm

It’s good times, good times.  I’m down 2.4 lbs this week!  I’m only one pound away from having lost 10% of my body weight!  Next week, I promise!

Meanwhile as a bit of a update on the “moving more” portion of losing my weight, I’m adding five more minutes to my morning walk tomorrow morning and that takes me up to 35 minutes a day.  I’m going A LOT faster than I was when I first started (1.9 mph to 2.7 mph) and I started at 10 minutes so I am super proud of myself.  I’m not only proud that I’ve improved so much, but that I’ve been so committed.  There have been days where I’ve wanted to sleep in more, and days on the weekend where I’ve gotten so busy during the day that I don’t get to it until later in the afternoon but I’ve still done it.  Five weeks of walking and I’m giving myself a pat on the back. 

I’m still waiting to feel like I’ve got things under control – like eating the way I do now and getting my walk in is second nature.  I think about eating the wrong foods less than I used to, and many of my cravings have gone away so I feel like I’m making some progress.

Mostly this week I just feel really proud and determined to keep going.  It’s a nicer feeling than I thought it would be.