A Perfect Version of Myself

Losing Weight is Hard

From Despair to Where July 15, 2009

Filed under: Weight Loss Updates — Tara @ 6:31 am

I stayed exactly the same this week.  No loss, but no gain either.  No real surprise, this is my historical bad week – we’ll see what the scale does next week.

Yesterday was probably the worst day of this diet that I’ve ever had.  It’s the closest I’ve come to quitting or giving up.  I don’t know what was wrong with me, maybe it was the vicious headache that kept reappearing after the Advil had worn off, maybe it was this feeling of tiredness that wouldn’t go away.  I’m not sure what it was, but it was pervasive and threatening and it was all I could do just to get to the end of the day.

A few months after I started this, I began to wonder if I would ever feel “safe” when it came to food and the choices I would make.  If enough time would pass and decisions would be made where this would feel less like a “change” and more the way things are.

It turns out, I do feel better now.  Things like counting calories and making wise decisions regarding food have become second nature.  I don’t have thoughts of eating things I shouldn’t very often, and when I do they’re easily brushed away and forgotten.

Yesterday was like starting from scratch.  I just wanted to quit going to the gym, quit pushing myself to work out, quit trying to eat better and take care of myself.  I was just so tired and WORN OUT that the idea of getting up everyday for the rest of my life and fighting against my weight seemed overwhelming.  Worse, it seemed impossible.  I haven’t had a day like that in a very, very long time.

I skipped the gym yesterday morning, more due to the above-mentioned headache then the tiredness and I walked around yesterday feeling like I was in a fog.  I stayed for the Weight Watchers meeting, to try and give myself a boost to make it all the way home without going through a drive-thru.  When I finally made it to bed, I breathed a sigh of relief that the day was behind me and hoping that I would wake up ready to take this on again.

I did.  Thank God.


3 Responses to “From Despair to Where”

  1. forthrightfattie Says:

    Wow, sounds like you handled that amazingly. All the work you have done so far has strengthened you not only physically but also mentally.

  2. aperfectversionofmyself Says:

    I didn’t think about it like that, but I guess that’s true. Hmmm. That’s oddly comforting!

  3. Chibi Jeebs Says:

    I don’t want to skip over the majority of your post, but have you heard of rebound headaches? I’m a long-time headache sufferer, and *just* learned about rebound headaches and the likelihood that I was probably giving them to myself with all the Advil I popped like candy. I’m not going to throw a bunch of links at you lest you take me for a spammer, but it might be worth the look!

    You are doing an amazing job — you’re inspiring! 🙂

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