I was prepared for my quarterly week of crap on the scale this week, but it was not to be. I lost 2.2 lbs!
In other news, I went shopping last night to look for a fancy outfit to wear to my birthday dinner and lo! Behold! I am now a size 16!! I was a size 18 about three weeks ago, but it was a VERY comfortable 18. I guess I wasn’t that far away from the next size down because my brand new skirt and dress pants are both a size 16!!!
I had a little breakdown in the dressing room. I don’t know why, there was just something really emotional about the situation. I feel like I finally am starting to look “normal” instead of fat. I mean, I’m a size 16 and I still weigh over 200 lbs, but I feel like now I’m “normal” fat. For so long, I felt like I was something that people stared at and that I stuck out in a crowd because I was some kind of waddling freak. Now, while I’m still fat, I feel like I’m the kind of fat that other people are.
That’s so stupid, but that’s how I feel. I feel like now I’m in the realm of other people and their weight problems. Before, I felt like I was bigger and fatter than anyone else I would encounter…..the kind of person that fat people look at and breathe a sigh of relief that at least they’re not THAT big.
Cause I’ve done that. Even when I was at my biggest, I would see people who were bigger than me (it was rare, but it did happen) and think that at least I wasn’t as bad off as they were. It’s wrong and judgemental, but that’s what makes me human. I would never have voiced those opinions out loud, nor would I have treated people any differently based on their size, but I’m not sure that makes me any better than the people that would use me as their “at least”. If I knew people were doing it to me, I’m sure the people I was doing it to were also aware.
I know that the chances of any of them reading this are remote, but for what it’s worth: I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. It sounds like a cliched break up, but it wasn’t really about you. This? Was all me.