A Perfect Version of Myself

Losing Weight is Hard

Sixteen September 1, 2009

Filed under: Weight Loss Updates — Tara @ 9:03 pm

I was prepared for my quarterly week of crap on the scale this week, but it was not to be.  I lost 2.2 lbs!

In other news, I went shopping last night to look for a fancy outfit to wear to my birthday dinner and lo!  Behold!  I am now a size 16!!  I was a size 18 about three weeks ago, but it was a VERY comfortable 18.  I guess I wasn’t that far away from the next size down because my brand new skirt and dress pants are both a size 16!!!

I had a little breakdown in the dressing room.  I don’t know why, there was just something really emotional about the situation.  I feel like I finally am starting to look “normal” instead of fat.  I mean, I’m a size 16 and I still weigh over 200 lbs, but I feel like now I’m “normal” fat.  For so long, I felt like I was something that people stared at and that I stuck out in a crowd because I was some kind of waddling freak.  Now, while I’m still fat, I feel like I’m the kind of fat that other people are.

That’s so stupid, but that’s how I feel.  I feel like now I’m in the realm of other people and their weight problems.  Before, I felt like I was bigger and fatter than anyone else I would encounter…..the kind of person that fat people look at and breathe a sigh of relief that at least they’re not THAT big.

Cause I’ve done that.  Even when I was at my biggest, I would see people who were bigger than me (it was rare, but it did happen) and think that at least I wasn’t as bad off as they were.  It’s wrong and judgemental, but that’s what makes me human.  I would never have voiced those opinions out loud, nor would I have treated people any differently based on their size, but I’m not sure that makes me any better than the people that would use me as their “at least”.  If I knew people were doing it to me, I’m sure the people I was doing it to were also aware.

I know that the chances of any of them reading this are remote, but for what it’s worth: I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.  It sounds like a cliched break up, but it wasn’t really about you.  This?  Was all me.


3 Responses to “Sixteen”

  1. forthrightfattie Says:

    Wow, what an achievement, and what a touching post. It makes a lot of sense why you were so emotional about this particular milestone.

    Right now I’m an uncomfortable 16 myself…race you to 14? : )

  2. Chibi Jeebs Says:

    Congratulations! I’m proud of you. 🙂

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