A Perfect Version of Myself

Losing Weight is Hard

This Is Such a Pity October 27, 2009

Filed under: Weight Loss Updates — Tara @ 5:51 pm

Hello blogland.  Long time no see.

Dude, I can’t even talk about how crappy this gall bladder thing has been.  First, there’s the pain of recovering from surgery.  Did I ever mention that I’m a stomach sleeper?  Did I ever mention that I’m a horrible, crappy, insomniac sleeper?  And that any change or deviation from my routine or sleep pattern results in my feeling like a zombie for weeks or months?

Yeah.  That’s me.  I have a very specific sleep routine and if it’s altered in any way, forget it.  I’m not going to sleep.  I’m actually dreading the day I get into a long-term relationship and I can’t sleep by myself at least every other night.  Not being able to sleep on my stomach means that I have not been sleeping since I stopped taking the pain killers, which I stopped taking after I realized they were making me stupid.

Then there is the joy of my body trying to figure out how to function without one of its organs.  I’m warning anyone who’s still reading that this is going to be Too Much Information, so if you keep reading it’s your own fault.

Everything goes right through me.  And I mean RIGHT THROUGH ME.  About fifteen minutes after I eat ANYTHING, I have to make a dash for the toilet.  Then I have a couple of hours where it sounds like a prison break is being attempted in my guts.  My stomach gurgles and twists and moans and practically does the hokey-pokey before it finally settles back down.  It’s entertaining for everyone that isn’t me and it scares the crap out of my dog (of course it does, he’s a coward).

With that in mind, I did go to weigh in today.  I put on real clothes for the first time yesterday and decided I could drive myself around.  It took me ten minutes to get back out of my car, but whatever.

I lost 10.8 lbs this week.  If you believe that, I have a bridge I’d like to sell you.  It’s in Brooklyn and it’s a humdinger.

I don’t believe this number.  I’m sure as soon as my body figures out how to eat food again, it will pop back up.  I’m drinking water and diet ginger ale like there’s no tomorrow to make sure I don’t get dehydrated, but I’m sure I’m dehydrated anyway.  Believe me, no one experiencing this much diarrhea could possibly be hydrated enough.

For now, I’m just going to ignore my weight and concentrate on getting better.  This weekend I accidentally ripped open part of my incision (in my sleep!  I did it in my sleep when I attempted to flip onto my stomach.  I woke up with a searing pain that had me crying) and it got infected. 

It’s laugh or cry up in here folks.  I’m already pooping all the time, and providing my own sound effects everywhere I go and now my belly button is leaking something nasty.  Here’s to the antibiotics kicking in soon!


2 Responses to “This Is Such a Pity”

  1. Cere Says:

    Huge Hugs! I remember that very well. The thing that saved me (I’m a tummy sleeper too!) was a body pillow and laying on the side with the least number of incisions. That allowed me to “trick” myself somewhat into thinking I was sleeping the way I wanted to.

    I have all the sympathy for you, I remember it taking me FOREVER to do anything that required moving, and the all around pain sucks.

  2. forthrightfattie Says:

    Sorry to hear that it has been so “crappy”–and nice little wordplay there. But seriously, it sounds exhausting and I admire you for even having the tenacity to make it into work and write a funny post.
    Take care!

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