A Perfect Version of Myself

Losing Weight is Hard

Temptation Waits November 24, 2009

Filed under: Weight Loss Updates — Tara @ 3:10 pm
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I’m up 2 lbs this week.  Oops.

It’s not really a surprise.  I had a wine and cheese night on Saturday with some girlfriends and drank AT LEAST a bottle and a half of wine.  I also consumed quite a bit of cheese and other appetizers….funnily enough, the more I drank, the more food seemed to leap into my mouth all on its own.  It’s amazing how that happens!

That’s the thing with this time of year!  There’s always something to go to that puts you in the path of things that are not so diet friendly!  And, while it’s all well and good to try and avoid them, or eat before you leave the house so you’re already full, it’s still tough.

I took the liberty of pulling out my calendar to check on what I’ve got going on in the next month or so and found that I am BOOKED SOLID for the next few weeks and many of these events somehow involve food.

I have my annual weekend getaway with my girls to Niagara Falls this weekend.  That means a huge meal at this great Brazilian place on Friday night, followed by drinking and gambling and then a hangover breakfast on Saturday.  I also have a date on Sunday (woo!), but we’re having dinner and I have read enough Cosmo to know that ordering a salad will SAY SOMETHING about the kind of girl I am, so I’ll have to figure out something else to eat.

Next weekend is free, but the weekend after that is my company’s holiday party and my driver’s meeting.  Every other weekend in December is booked, with a few weeks having parties on both Friday and Saturday night!

I still want to hit my goal of getting under 200 lbs by the end of the year, but I think it’s going to be really tough.  I’ll just have to do the best I can in each situation and hope that it’s enough.

 

Don’t Worry ‘Bout Me November 17, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 11:14 pm
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I had my first weigh-in since I went away to Hawkesbury today.  I’m so relieved to not have gained weight, it’s not even funny.  On top of being away from home, with all the stress that brings, I was also eating dinners in restaurants AND taking a break from working out.  I’m down 0.6 lbs and I’m really proud of that. 

I just wanted to thank everyone for the kind comments that you’ve left here over the last few weeks.  Recovering from this stupid gall bladder thing has been really hard and terrible.  I like to fancy myself Wonder Woman these days because I feel so great just about all the time, and this has been a terrible reminder that I don’t actually have super powers.

Don’t worry too much guys.  I’m taking good care of myself, following the doctors orders and taking it one step at a time.  I’m not so concerned about losing weight as I am backsliding on my fitness abilities.  I never thought the day would come where I would enjoy working out, but I do.  I miss the feeling I get deep inside after a workout.  There’s this calm, zen-like feeling that washes over me for hours after I finish at the gym and I really notice it’s absence.  I know that the gym will be there when I’m ready, but dammit!  I want to be ready now!

It will come though.  Until then, I’ll just enjoy that extra hour of sleep every morning.

 

Had Enough November 16, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 8:46 pm
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I went to the gym today for the first time since my surgery.  I know I mentioned I was going to go in Hawkesbury, but I thought better of it and decided to heed my doctor’s recommendation to wait.  I saw him on Friday and he cleared me to go back to working out.

Today was rough.  My legs felt fine, my body felt strong, but my lungs.  I haven’t had burning in my lungs from being out of breath in a VERY long time.  Six minutes into the elliptical machine, I had to stop to drink some water and clear my throat.  My lungs were working overtime.

Still, I finished my full hour of workout and left the gym feeling pleased as punch.  It was hard, but I did it.

I got home tonight, changed into lounge clothes and realized my belly button felt kinda sore.  In the last hour, it’s gone from kinda sore to “wow, I really can’t have my waistband sit there”.  It’s turned bright red and it looks very angry.

Fuck.

I’m going to have to go and see my doctor and see what I’ve done to myself.  This whole surgery thing sucks.

I’m going to weigh in tomorrow for the first time in weeks.  I’m nervous.

 

All Apologies November 10, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 11:14 pm
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Perhaps I should apologize for freaking out about Blogger yesterday?

I had quite possibly the worst work day I’ve ever experienced.  I had nine trucks on the road and eight of them had major problems.  I mean, major problems.  One driver was denied entry into the United States due to an issue with his FAST card (no, you don’t care what that is).  Another driver broke down in the middle of nowhere, while a third got pulled in for inspection and XRay at the border and was held for over five hours.  This made him miss his 8 am delivery appointment at a Safeway distribution centre (that’s right, some of your granola bars have been XRay’d, Northern KY/Southern OH).  I received 11 phone calls between 7:47 am and 7:59 am.

In short, it was the day from hell.

Then I got home back to my hotel room that I’m living in, logged onto the extremely tenuous wireless internet and tried, in vain, to comment on Princess-Jeniffer’s blog and couldn’t.  Like I said yesterday, this isn’t the first time Blogger has messed around with me, but something inside me snapped and I dashed off yesterday’s entry in a rage.

I’m done being mad now, I will go back to doing what Canadians do best – silently loathing it and grumbling under my breath.

In weight loss related news, my eating has continued to be so-so.  It’s the usual story, breakfasts and lunches = good, dinner = ok/bad.  I have come to terms with it.  This work trip has been harder than I would like, but it’s over in two days and until then, I’m just trying my best.

I had dinner with one of this area’s sales reps tonight and I haven’t seen him in a year.  And by “seen him in a year, what I really mean is that I haven’t seen him in roughly 120 lbs.  He came in the restaurant and walked right by me.  Then he came back, blinked and told me it was a good thing that my smile hadn’t changed because he didn’t recognize me.  It was a really nice feeling.

I’m dying to get home and I’m dying to resume my regular weigh ins.  I hate not being able to monitor my progress (or anti-progress as I think I’m achieving).  Two days, baby!  Two days….

 

I Hate Everything About You November 9, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 8:54 pm
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Excuse me while I rant for a minute.  This rant has nothing to do with weight loss.

I FUCKING HATE BLOGGER. 

I hate it.  HATE, HATE, HATE!

If you do not have a registered blogger account, Blogger makes it extremely difficult to comment on other people’s blogs.  Most times, I have to hit the comment button three or four times before it even takes me to the word verification part of the process.  Oh, that’s only the times it doesn’t completely wipe my comment out and leave me staring at a blank box!  It tells me all the time that “My Open ID Credentials Can Not Be Verified” and then it kicks me out of your blog. 

OR!  When I finally get to the word verification box, the imput space for me to put my letters is hidden from view, with no conceivable way to scroll down to it.

GAH!

I guess this means if your platform is blogger and I’ve left you a comment, you should feel special.  I REALLY WANTED to leave you that comment.  I had to want it bad, be committed and swallow my annoyance.

 

Cheat November 5, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 9:30 pm
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I caved.

I had a hamburger, french fries and coleslaw for dinner tonight.  And I’d been doing so well!

The last two nights I ate at a restaurant other than Subway and I think I did really well.  I had chicken teriyaki stir fry the first night, with rice.  It was awesome.  The vegetables were barely cooked, exactly how I like them.  The second night, I had a greek salad with a chicken pita.  There was too much dressing, but I didn’t eat all the feta cheese that came with the salad and I feel like it was a pretty good choice, all things considered.

Tonight, something came over me.  I ordered a cheeseburger, with fries and then it came with coleslaw.  I love coleslaw so much!  It’s so crunchy, and this particular batch was super vinegar-ey!  In a weird twist, they also seemed to put coleslaw on the burger.  I thought it was weird, until I tasted it.  Wow is all I can say.  It made the burger awesome.

Anyway.

I came back to the hotel and explored the fitness centre.  It has a stationary bike, an elliptical machine and a treadmill.  I like both the elliptical machine and the treadmill, so I’ve already set my alarm for 5 am tomorrow.  I know, I know, I’m supposed to take time off from exercise because of the surgery, but I honestly feel fine.  It doesn’t hurt anymore and I’m not planning to lift any weights.  I’m going to walk fairly slowly on the treadmill, just to see how I feel.  If ANYTHING feels the SLIGHTEST BIT funny, I’ll stop.

Now I have to go.  I have to get to bed early seeing as how it’s been a loooong time since I got up that early to exercise!

 

Over the Hills and Far Away November 2, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 11:10 pm
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Things are looking up!  I’m feeling better and I’m back to work!

The gall bladder trouble has mostly gone away – I’m still avoiding some foods, but I had a some spicy food the other day and it sat rather well.

There will be no weigh-in post for this week….or next week.  I’m once again marooned in the middle of nowhere for work and do not have access to a Weight Watchers.  I’ve been contemplating going to Montreal on Saturday to do some shopping and walking around, so maybe I’ll see if I can find a WW while I’m there.  It means it will funk up my weigh-in schedule, but that can’t really be helped.

These next two weeks are going to be a struggle.  I really, really hate not being able to cook for myself, especially when I’m trying to live my regular routine.  Especially when exercise is still limited for the next 26 days (my surgeon recommended 40 days of rest to let myself heal – I feel a bit like Noah).  As always, breakfasts and lunches are not the problem.  I’m eating out of the grocery store for these two meals (oatmeal and yogurt for breakfast, soups, salads and fruit for lunch), but dinners are becoming stale.  I’ve eaten Subway the last two nights and really don’t think I’ll be up for it again tomorrow.

I’m still committed and still going to make the best choices I can in this situation.  I just wish I wasn’t sitting in this position in the first place.