A Perfect Version of Myself

Losing Weight is Hard

Tonight and the Rest of My Life December 30, 2009

Filed under: Weight Loss Updates — Tara @ 11:26 am

Whew.  The holiday season is upon us.  Christmas is past and New Years is right around the corner.

Check-in is a day late this week due to family get-togethers and obligations.  I weighed in yesterday having gained 1 pound over Christmas.  I’m considering that a huge victory.  I ate whatever I wanted on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  I also indulged in tasty treats well past those two days, which was not in my plan.  Ooops.

I have rationalized all of this away though.  I’m trying really hard not to feel guilty.  Afterall, no one is perfect and indulging in things that you wouldn’t normally is practically the definition of Christmas.  The thing that’s bugging me is how easy it was to slip into my old habits.  I’m surprised at how completely I was able to walk away from all my healthy habits and just let go.  It’s scared me a bit to be honest.  I can’t help but think about how easy it would be just to slide back and let go.  It’s made me a bit depressed.  I’m once again having the idea that diet is going to be something I struggle with for the REST OF MY LIFE. 

I’m reminding myself that this feeling will pass.  It always does.  It may linger for longer than I’d like, but eventually I will feel ready to take on the monster again.  Today is the only day I’m worrying about for now.

Oh, and in the comments on my last post, Becca asked how much I think WW has contributed to my loss and do I think she should join it.

My answer isn’t a good one, I’m afraid.  I really feel like WW is a tool.  It’s a great one, but there are other equally great ones that might work.  I 100% believe that weight loss is mostly mental and when you are READY to lose your weight, you will do it.  Regardless of what plan you choose (as long as it’s nutritionally sound), you’ll take the weight off.  If you think you could use the support and the accountability that comes with paying someone to weigh you and paying to attend meetings, then go for it.  If you feel like you need to find a trainer or workout partner to give you someone to work with at the gym, then do that too.

I like WW because I don’t want to own a scale and weigh myself daily.  I like the POINTS system because it takes more into consideration than just calorie content (like fiber and fat).  It’s easier for me to count points than calories.  I also like going to the meetings and seeing the same group of people fighting the good fight.  I like to know what’s going on in their lives for the same reasons I read weight loss blogs.  They make me feel less alone.  I get sad when one of them disappears, the same way I mourn people who stop posting.

I know, this answer is terrible.  Basically, I’m telling you that WW is working for me, but I don’t know if it will work for you.  It’s not a magic pill.  If you can’t afford it, it’s not the end of the world.  There are other things you can try (like Spark People) that may work for you.  If you feel like WW is a good choice for you, then work it out in your budget and decide if you can swing it.

Whatever you do, don’t give up.


I Did It December 22, 2009

Filed under: Weight Loss Updates — Tara @ 2:47 pm

I lost 2.2 lbs this week, but more importantly:


It was a very nice Christmas present to receive.


Gratitude December 21, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 11:56 am

This year marks the four-year anniversary of my sister Caitlyn’s liver transplant. 

I can’t describe to you what it’s like to watch someone fight for their life.  It’s horrifying and heartbreaking, nerve-wracking and exhausting.  I sincerely hope that you and your families never, ever have to go through anything like it.

I want to say thank you to some people I’ve never met. People I will probably never meet.

To the families of the people who donated their livers so my sister can live, I just want to offer my undying gratitude. You of all people know what it’s like to lose someone close to you, and you prevented myself and my family from knowing the same grief.

I think about you all the time.

I know that while my family is celebrating a happy anniversary, you are soberly reflecting on an anniversary of your own. I think about our Christmas miracle, as we sometimes refer to her, and know that your miracle never came.  You had to say goodbye to your loved one four years ago.

You are kind and generous people who gave my 17-year-old sister the chance to reach her twenties, go to college and even move in with her long-term boyfriend (I’m still not sure how I feel about that one). Your gift was so priceless and benevolent that I don’t actually have adequate words to thank you properly. I am humbled by your choice to donate your loved ones organs.

Merry Christmas to you and all your families. May you have some peace and know that even though your loved one isn’t with you, they live on in my sister and others like her who received their gift of life from your relative. You are in my thoughts and prayers constantly and you have my sincere gratitude.

God bless you and your family.


Thief in the Night December 17, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 3:30 pm

I think I’m a smuggler.  Or, at the very least, a co-conspirator to smuggling.

Let me explain.

There are many, many, many products that exist in the USA that we cannot get here in Canada (it works the other way too – the suckers south of our border cannot get ketchup potato chips and I feel sorry for them).  Many of the products are diet-friendly and it annoys me to no end that I cannot get my greedy mitts on them.

The most annoying?  The fact that Fage yogurt is not sold in Canada.  I read a lot of weight loss blogs and EVERYONE raves about this stuff.  Not only as a great, protein rich snack, but also as a substitute for sour cream (something that I LOVE).

As you might recall, I dispatch trucks for a living and some of those trucks venture into the USA.  I begged persuaded one of my drivers to search out Fage and bring it back to me.  I have 10 containers in my possession as we speak and I am super excited to try it tonight.

I also got him to bring me back some Arnold Sandwich Thins too.  I bought these the last time I went south and then cursed myself for not stocking up and putting them in the freezer.  I really enjoy a bun that is only worth 1 WW point and these ones even taste really good.

Of course now that I’ve found a sucker driver nice enough to grocery shop for me in the USA, I plan to try many, many new products. 

I just hope that the Canadian Border Service doesn’t find out about me!


Roll With It December 15, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 3:14 pm

I’m down 2.2 lbs this week.  It was a good week, albeit a tough one.

This is such a hard time of the year!  Between being so busy that it’s been hard to hit the gym more than twice a week to going to events where the purpose is to eat, I’m really struggling.

This weekend, I attended two Christmas parties, one concert and had dinner and a movie night with my closest friend.  I’ll be honest, I really tried to watch what I was eating – except for the french fries on Sunday night – but it’s been difficult!  I also deeply miss the gym.  I’ve only been able to get there once this week and twice last week because I’m just so darned busy!

I’m actually kind of thankful to the bookstore to be honest.  I think running around there, hefting books, bending, squatting and just plain being on my feet has really helped in the weight loss department.  It’s not as effective as the gym would be, but at least it’s SOMETHING.

Have a good week everyone!


Bad Idea December 10, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 1:04 pm

I have broken down.  I have failed to resist temptation.  I have joined Twitter and now “tweet” or whatever.

I’ve added it to the sidebar on my blog, or you can follow me if you’d like.  My user name is tara_hie.  Original!  It’s my first and last name!  Oops, I don’t think I’m supposed to tell the internet my last name.  My bad.


Hurts So Good December 8, 2009

Filed under: Weight Loss Updates — Tara @ 11:03 pm

Sorry for the scarcity of the posting lately!  I’m so swamped!  Between working two jobs (one of them in retail), holiday commitments and trying to get some exercise in (note the operative word: trying), I’m not finding much time to blog.

I promise that I will never miss a Tuesday check-in though.  That is sacred.

I’m down 2.6 lbs this week, taking me tantalizingly close to my end of year goal.  I need to lose a further 3.3 lbs to get under 200 lbs and I have three weeks to do it in.  These are the REALLY difficult three weeks to get through, but I’m going to do my best.  I’m headed to the gym on Thursday morning (I promised myself I wouldn’t attempt to get up at 5 am the day after I worked at the bookstore till 9 pm – there just isn’t time for any kind of life otherwise) and then I go away this weekend to Hawkesbury for a drivers lunch and meeting.  I’m spending the night in our nation’s capitol (Ottawa, ON) and plan to hit the gym on Sunday before I fly home.

I wanted to respond to a comment that was left on my last post. The Forthright Fattie said that she was halfway jealous of my revelation that life isn’t about food and that there’s a big difference between loving food properly and loving food improperly.  I couldn’t agree with her more on that one.

My problem, I think, is different.  I don’t think I love food.  At all.  My best friend loves food.  She loves to try new foods, she loves to eat food prepared differently by different people.  She loves the textures, the smells and memories that can be evoked by food.

I’m not like that.  I don’t love food, I love to eat.  There’s a huge difference.  Loving to eat is much more deadly in my opinion.  I don’t crave foods very often, but I have to fight not to stuff myself far more frequently than I would like.  I think in the past I’ve really felt like if I ate enough, I could feel SOMETHING.  I think I was wandering around so afraid to live life that I numbed myself out.  Eating till I was uncomfortable was a way to feel.  Even if it was a negative feeling. 

I’m still working on getting past this, because I have my moments where I give in to it.  I went to a handbag party (like Tupperware, but for designer knockoffs) on Friday at a friend’s house and ate far too much.  I knew I was doing it, but I did it anyway.  It felt good to feel unbearably full.  I’m just glad that I mostly (mostly being the operative word) gorged on vegetables, but still, it’s pretty screwed up to want to eat till it hurts.

I wish I could solve the mystery as to why I do this.  I wish I could go back in time and try and stop this problem before it developed.  I can’t do either of those things though.  All I can do is try and correct the behavior enough times until it becomes a habit.