A Perfect Version of Myself

Losing Weight is Hard

Ridiculous Thoughts January 26, 2010

Filed under: Weight Loss Updates — Tara @ 7:58 pm

I’m down 1.8 lbs this week.  I’m starting to freak out a little bit about the prospect of maintenance.  Like, really freak out.  I’m trying not to think about it yet, so in that vein:

Tonight at WW, we talked about emotional eating vs. eating for hunger and our leader asked how we can tell when we’re full.  There was extremely loud silence following her question.  Eventually, I put up my hand and answered “when my plate is empty, I’m done eating”. 

This is true for me.  I cannot tell when I’m full.  Or rather, I can tell when I’m full, but I have no problem with continuing eating well past that point.  Even now, 20 minutes after dinner, I could keep eating.  I mean, I had a wonderful dinner (turkey enchilada casserole) with salad and then had some fruit for dessert.  It was filling and satisfying and all that wonderful stuff.  But?  I could eat more.

Sometimes, I even eat past the point of comfort, like I did on Christmas Day.  It’s like a compulsion.  I just keep putting the food in my mouth for the few seconds that it lingers there, tasting like heaven.   I end up feeling gross and uncomfortable, but I know I would do it again.  I think vomiting might be the only thing that would make me stop, but I might be wrong.  Maybe I would just feel excited to have room to eat all the delicious stuff again.  I’ve never had this happen so I’m not speaking from experience, but….I have a scary feeling it’s true.

What makes me even sadder is that I realized on New Years Eve that the worse food is for me, the faster I eat it.  Like I’m afraid someone is going to take it from me at any second.  I even sort of resent other people sharing it with me, I jealously watch how much they take to make sure I get enough.

I wasn’t starved as a child, I’ve never gone hungry, and yet here I sit.  I obviously have some issues with food. 

How about any of you?  Is any of this sounding at all familiar?


Frizzle Fry January 25, 2010

Filed under: Recipes — Tara @ 9:25 pm

I believe I promised you a recipe, didn’t I?

I made this last week and plan on eating it again this week.  It was so freaking good, I can’t even tell you.  I got it out of a Weight Watchers cookbook that my mom gave me for Christmas and the book was worth it, just for this recipe.

Garlic Beef and Snow Peas


5 garlic cloves minced

1 TBSP minced peeled ginger

12 oz boneless sirloin steak, trimmed and cut into thin strips

4 scallions cut into 1 inch lengths

1 1/2 cups trimmed snow peas

1 large red bell pepper, thinly sliced

1/3 cup reduced sodium chicken broth

2 TBSPs reduced sodium soy sauce

1 tsp sugar

1 1/2 TBSP cornstarch

1 TBS water

1/2-1 tsp chilli garlic sauce

Spray a non-stick wok with non-stick spray and set over high heat.  When pan is hot enough for a drop of water to sizzle in it, add the garlic and ginger and stir fry until fragrant (approx 1 min).  Add the beef and stir fry until browned (approx 3 mins).

Add the scallions, snow peas and red pepper, stir fry approx 1 min.  Add the broth, soy sauce and sugar and bring to a simmer.  Reduce heat and simmer, stirring occasionally (approx 2 mins).

Meanwhile, in a mug, stir together cornstarch, water and chilli garlic sauce until smooth.  Add to the wok and stir fry until the sauce thickens and bubbles (approx 30 seconds).

Makes 4 one-cup servings

Calories: 159;  Fat: 3 grams;  Fiber: 2 grams;  POINTS value: 3

Now, my tips are thus:  make sure you have everything prepped before you start (veggies cut up, meat sliced, cornstarch mixture mixed) because it cooks extremely fast.  Also, be careful with that chilli garlic sauce.  I cut the recipe in half but figured I would use the entire amount of the chilli garlic sauce because a) I like spicy and b) I’m no wimp.  My mouth was on fire for at least an hour after I finished eating.  I also served this over quinoa and it sopped up all the yummy sauce.  So, so good.


Eye on the Prize January 19, 2010

Filed under: Goals and Expectations,Weight Loss Updates — Tara @ 8:40 pm

I’m down 1.6 lbs this week.  I have less than 50 lbs till my goal weight and I’m setting myself another mini-goal with a timeline to keep me focused.

By June 1st, which is 19 weeks away, I want to be half the woman I was.  That will mean having lost 165 lbs and it will mean that I will WEIGH 165 lbs.  I need to lose 29.2 lbs to get there, which is an average of 1.5 lbs per week.  It will be tough, these pounds are going to become ever increasingly difficult to shed, but I like goals that are aggressive.  Keeps me motivated.

Speaking of motivation, thank you very much everybody for the nice comments you left on my pictures!  Putting your fat face (and ass) all over the world-wide web is never easy, but you guys make it much more so.  I love you guys!

Have a great week everybody!  I’ll be back to share a recipe I had for dinner tonight that was the best tasting thing I have every personally made.


Picture This January 15, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 8:44 pm

I’ve put a new picture in the gallery (with much work and frustration; it turns out, I hate using WordPress as much as I hate Blogger.  Maybe I’m just computer illiterate), which is always fun.  I took the pictures in November, but kept having to bug the picture taker until she sent them to me.  Take it up with her if you don’t want to wait so long between photos.

The funniest thing, is that even though there’s almost a forty pound difference between these pictures and the last ones I took in July, I cannot for the life of me see a difference.  HA!  HA!  I’m laughing to keep from crying.  My fat-blindness has spread to photos, so now I’ll just have to take peoples word for it when they say I’m getting smaller.

I can however see a difference in these two photos:

Weight - 308.2 lbs

Weight - 208.2 lbs


Seeing those two pictures next to each other never gets old.  It’s a hell of a motivator. 

Speaking of motivators, hearing that floors are collapsing under Weight Watchers meetings makes me think I decided to get healthy at just the right time!


Little Differences January 14, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 6:42 pm

You guys! Fatty McBlog has started writing again!!!  This is one of the first weight-related blogs I ever read and their archives are still some of my faves.  These two ladies are super funny and while they don’t really write about weight LOSS, you should still check them out.  I added them (and a bunch of my other favourite blogs) to my blogroll this week.

Certain things change when you lose weight.  Some things (energy level, clothing size) are expected.  Others….are not.  Here is a list of things that are different now that I’m smaller:

1.  I used to always be hot.  Roasting.  I hated the summer because all I did was run waddle from my air-conditioned house to my air-conditioned car to my destination, which was almost always air-conditioned.  I thought that my internal temperature was just set higher than other peoples.  I was wrong.  Now I am freezing cold 98% of the time and the other 2% occurs when I am in the shower or working out.  I used to sleep with my window open in the winter (and I live in Canada people).  Now I have three blankets on my bed and am considering investing in a heating blanket so that I can stop taking a warm bath every night before I climb in.

2.  My shoe size has changed.  I really didn’t think my feet were THAT fat before but, again, I was wrong.  I went from a size 8 to a size 7.5 or even a 7.  I guess my weight pushing down on my feet made them wider and that necessitated a bigger shoe size?  I’m really not sure what that’s about, but as I’ve bought new shoes, they are smaller than they used to be.  I don’t think vanity sizing has spread to footwear yet, so my feet must have shrunk.

3.  I have lost 1/4 of an inch of height.  This must also have something to do with the fat on my feet.  Maybe the fat on my feet was on the bottom of them?  I have no idea.  When I had my last physical, they measured me at 5’5 3/4 inches and I’ve always measured 5’6″ even so….it’s a mystery.

4.  I had to start buying different panty liners (oops, was that TMI?).  I always bought ones that said “Long” on them, but recently I’ve felt a bit like I was wearing a diaper because they were now TOO long.  I switched to regular ones and have not had that same feeling.  I never realized that being fat would make me wider in the lady bits, but I guess this makes sense since my panties kept getting larger as I got bigger.  Why wouldn’t the same hold true for my liners?

5.  It doesn’t take me as long to shave my legs.  I’m attributing this one to the fact that there’s less “surface area” then there used to be and therefore, it takes less time to groom them.  Actually, this holds true for lots of stuff.  I use less of products (body lotion, shave gel etc) then I used to.  I didn’t notice it at first, but my mom commented that I was still using the same shave gel I had when I was in Vegas and that her’s never lasts that long.  I realized I use less than I used to. 

I can’t wait to see what’s going to change next.


To Whom it May Concern January 12, 2010

Filed under: Weight Loss Updates — Tara @ 11:35 pm

Down 2.8 lbs this week and inching closer to losing the word obese from how I can be described.  Very soon my pretties.

In other news, I think I’m going to start writing letters here to the people who piss me off that I cannot, for one reason or another, confront.  Without further ado:

Dear Cream Cheese Thief:

I realize that its a communal fridge at our office.  I also realize that by leaving something there, I’m risking it’s loss, but I rather counted on the fact that we’re a small company and you probably look me in the eye everyday as a preventative of your heinous crime.

I was wrong. 

You sir, (or madam) are despicable.  I only keep the cream cheese there so I can pair it with a frozen bagel (in the freezer but you missed those) on the days when I forget to bring my breakfast after the gym.  I thought I noticed it going missing, but I convinced myself I was being paranoid.  After all, who steals fat-free cream cheese?  It’s not like it tastes good, believe me!  Basically it’s only function is to make the bagel moist enough to swallow.  Apparently though, I was not paranoid because yesterday when I pulled the tub out of the fridge, you had once again helped yourself.

YOU LEFT ME A MERE DAB!  It looked like you spread the schmear on your bagel (or whatever you put it on) and then wiped your knife on the lip of the container and left me the remains.  Not only was it insulting, but it was unhygienic!  I don’t want your leftover crumb-filled cream cheese!  I had to eat my bagel dry!  My tiny, Weight Watchers, “it’s only two points”, whole-wheat bagel.  It’s never very good and you robbed me not only of my cream cheese, but also of all of the pleasure that there is to be found in this not- very-satisfying breakfast.

For shame, sir (or madam).  For shame.


A cream-cheeseless bagel eater.


Congratulations January 10, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 12:49 pm

If you get a chance, you might want to wander over to Jack’s place and give him a virtual high five.  He hit one-derland himself this week, something he’s been working on since Easter.  His blog is a great one, you should check it out if you haven’t already (which I’m sure you have, it’s got to be one of the most popular weight loss blogs out there).