Down 2.8 lbs this week and inching closer to losing the word obese from how I can be described. Very soon my pretties.
In other news, I think I’m going to start writing letters here to the people who piss me off that I cannot, for one reason or another, confront. Without further ado:
Dear Cream Cheese Thief:
I realize that its a communal fridge at our office. I also realize that by leaving something there, I’m risking it’s loss, but I rather counted on the fact that we’re a small company and you probably look me in the eye everyday as a preventative of your heinous crime.
I was wrong.
You sir, (or madam) are despicable. I only keep the cream cheese there so I can pair it with a frozen bagel (in the freezer but you missed those) on the days when I forget to bring my breakfast after the gym. I thought I noticed it going missing, but I convinced myself I was being paranoid. After all, who steals fat-free cream cheese? It’s not like it tastes good, believe me! Basically it’s only function is to make the bagel moist enough to swallow. Apparently though, I was not paranoid because yesterday when I pulled the tub out of the fridge, you had once again helped yourself.
YOU LEFT ME A MERE DAB! It looked like you spread the schmear on your bagel (or whatever you put it on) and then wiped your knife on the lip of the container and left me the remains. Not only was it insulting, but it was unhygienic! I don’t want your leftover crumb-filled cream cheese! I had to eat my bagel dry! My tiny, Weight Watchers, “it’s only two points”, whole-wheat bagel. It’s never very good and you robbed me not only of my cream cheese, but also of all of the pleasure that there is to be found in this not- very-satisfying breakfast.
For shame, sir (or madam). For shame.
A cream-cheeseless bagel eater.