A Perfect Version of Myself

Losing Weight is Hard

To Whom it May Concern January 12, 2010

Filed under: Weight Loss Updates — Tara @ 11:35 pm
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Down 2.8 lbs this week and inching closer to losing the word obese from how I can be described.  Very soon my pretties.

In other news, I think I’m going to start writing letters here to the people who piss me off that I cannot, for one reason or another, confront.  Without further ado:

Dear Cream Cheese Thief:

I realize that its a communal fridge at our office.  I also realize that by leaving something there, I’m risking it’s loss, but I rather counted on the fact that we’re a small company and you probably look me in the eye everyday as a preventative of your heinous crime.

I was wrong. 

You sir, (or madam) are despicable.  I only keep the cream cheese there so I can pair it with a frozen bagel (in the freezer but you missed those) on the days when I forget to bring my breakfast after the gym.  I thought I noticed it going missing, but I convinced myself I was being paranoid.  After all, who steals fat-free cream cheese?  It’s not like it tastes good, believe me!  Basically it’s only function is to make the bagel moist enough to swallow.  Apparently though, I was not paranoid because yesterday when I pulled the tub out of the fridge, you had once again helped yourself.

YOU LEFT ME A MERE DAB!  It looked like you spread the schmear on your bagel (or whatever you put it on) and then wiped your knife on the lip of the container and left me the remains.  Not only was it insulting, but it was unhygienic!  I don’t want your leftover crumb-filled cream cheese!  I had to eat my bagel dry!  My tiny, Weight Watchers, “it’s only two points”, whole-wheat bagel.  It’s never very good and you robbed me not only of my cream cheese, but also of all of the pleasure that there is to be found in this not- very-satisfying breakfast.

For shame, sir (or madam).  For shame.

Signed,

A cream-cheeseless bagel eater.

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4 Responses to “To Whom it May Concern”

  1. Chibi Jeebs Says:

    Congrats on the loss! 🙂

    I *hate* lunch stealers. HAAAAATE. So much so, that I grew paranoid and started packing my lunch in one of those 18-can cooler bags full of ice packs so I don’t have to use the fridge. Paranoid much? Yes, but I don’t have to share my lunch… mua ha haaa 😉

  2. Janet Says:

    Congrats on the weight loss this week, and BOO to the cream cheese thief! I swear, I don’t know how some people can live with themselves.

  3. seattlerunnergirl Says:

    Congratulations on being down 2.8!

    I *totally* mark my stuff in the communal fridge. I buy organic milk and someone was stealing it. It’s expensive stuff! Once I pointedly put my initials in MARKER on the top right by the pour spout, the thief stopped his/her dastardly behavior.

  4. kelerific Says:

    I had a friend once who kept getting her lunch stolen. She made ex-lax brownies. Mean…yes. But did she find out who did it after she watched the restrooms carefully for anyone with that pained expression on their face…several times? Yes, she did. Needless to say, her lunch was never stolen again. 🙂


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