I’m down 1.8 lbs this week. I’m starting to freak out a little bit about the prospect of maintenance. Like, really freak out. I’m trying not to think about it yet, so in that vein:
Tonight at WW, we talked about emotional eating vs. eating for hunger and our leader asked how we can tell when we’re full. There was extremely loud silence following her question. Eventually, I put up my hand and answered “when my plate is empty, I’m done eating”.
This is true for me. I cannot tell when I’m full. Or rather, I can tell when I’m full, but I have no problem with continuing eating well past that point. Even now, 20 minutes after dinner, I could keep eating. I mean, I had a wonderful dinner (turkey enchilada casserole) with salad and then had some fruit for dessert. It was filling and satisfying and all that wonderful stuff. But? I could eat more.
Sometimes, I even eat past the point of comfort, like I did on Christmas Day. It’s like a compulsion. I just keep putting the food in my mouth for the few seconds that it lingers there, tasting like heaven. I end up feeling gross and uncomfortable, but I know I would do it again. I think vomiting might be the only thing that would make me stop, but I might be wrong. Maybe I would just feel excited to have room to eat all the delicious stuff again. I’ve never had this happen so I’m not speaking from experience, but….I have a scary feeling it’s true.
What makes me even sadder is that I realized on New Years Eve that the worse food is for me, the faster I eat it. Like I’m afraid someone is going to take it from me at any second. I even sort of resent other people sharing it with me, I jealously watch how much they take to make sure I get enough.
I wasn’t starved as a child, I’ve never gone hungry, and yet here I sit. I obviously have some issues with food.
How about any of you? Is any of this sounding at all familiar?