A Perfect Version of Myself

Losing Weight is Hard

The Girl Who Used to Be April 1, 2010

Filed under: Weight Loss Updates — Tara @ 11:36 pm
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I’m up 1.4 lbs this week, which is such utter nonsense that I’m not going to dwell on it for an instant.  I ate great, stayed within my points and got a ton of exercise.  I’m not sure what’s causing this (don’t you dare say the word “plateau” to me) yo-yo thing lately but I’m getting sick of it.  I’ve lost and gained the same two pounds all month long and with March coming to a close, I’m declaring war on the 180’s.  I’m going to get beyond this if it kills me.  How?  By doing the same stuff I’ve been doing all along, but more.  More intensity in the exercise, better fuel in the tank and relying on basic biology to kick in.  I’m not worried about it too much, it will happen and until it does, I’m celebrating that I bought a dress and a skirt in a size 10 today and ignoring the scale.

Moving on…

My boss at the bookstore recently asked me where I get such steel balls (her words).  It took me back for a moment.

She asked me how and why I am able to put myself into uncomfortable and/or awkward situations with such ease.  I think she’s referring to my willingness to do things that I might suck at, as well as my newly acquired plan to find myself a man (Codename: Operation GSA).

I had to think about this one, but here’s my answer: I can put myself out there because I know it’s not going to kill me.

Being super morbidly obese doesn’t have a lot of perks, but it does have some.  One of them is that I know whatever happens, I’ll have been through worse.  I mean, is going to yoga and sticking my butt in the air going to be any more awful than the time I broke a chair at a restaurant?  I’ve never told anyone that this has happened to me, but it did.  I broke a wicker chair at a pretty fancy restaurant in Yorkville.  The arm became separated from the seat because it was unable to contain my fat.  It happened pretty early on in the meal and I just pretended nothing had happened, tried not to move and make the problem worse, and then left at the end of the evening without anyone (that I knew at least, I’m sure the restaurant figured it out later) being the wiser.  But I knew.  I knew and it made me die a little inside.

Being afraid, and being afraid to be uncomfortable helped me get over the 300 lb mark.  Being open and fearless has helped me take off almost 150 lbs.  I’m not afraid anymore.  I can do anything, be anything, have anything.  I deserve to be happy just as much as anyone else.  It’s taken me a very long time to feel this way, and sometimes I want to grab the girl I used to be and tell her that being happy is possible. 

I can’t do that though.  Instead what I can do is tell you.  Tell you that being the person you want to be is possible.  I’m going to tell you that feeling happy and healthy and grateful for every day that you get up and live your life is your right.

You deserve it, just as much as I do.

I don’t like to give diet advice, because I feel like what works for me isn’t necessarily going to work for you, but here’s a tip from me to you:  making small changes is something to be proud of.  They’ll pay off big dividends eventually, but in the meantime, they give you a feeling of accomplishment and pride that will lead you to keep going and make even bigger changes.  Those small changes will help you realize that you’re worth every bit of hard work and effort that it’s going to take to get those pounds off.

Start now.  It’s never too late.

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4 Responses to “The Girl Who Used to Be”

  1. Sarah Says:

    Preach it!

  2. Chibi Jeebs Says:

    Excellent post AND advice! 🙂

  3. Michelle Says:

    Tara,
    I’ve spent a week feeling sorry for myself (I’ve gained 25 lbs that I had lost through WW in the last 6 months); I’ve spent all week feeling sorry for the fact that I will always have to struggle with making the right choices to be able to maintain a healthy weight…
    Now today, I’ve spent all day reading your blog, and all I can say is: WOW!
    You’ve touched on pretty much all the things I’ve always bitched about, felt about eating/food, fought against, cried about, dreamed of… and you are truly an inspiration!
    I found your blog through SparkPeople and I’m glad I did, I kind of feel like I can have an imaginary weight loss buddy now!
    Thanks for your funny comments, your crude truths and for sharing your journey! It is inspiring!

  4. LIz Says:

    I feel the same way! I have been hovering around 170 since February. But I know I’m making strides in my fitness so I can’t feel that bad about it. Good luck to you in battling the 180s!


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