A Perfect Version of Myself

Losing Weight is Hard

Thriller July 19, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 10:40 pm

Yesterday I went to Canada’s Wonderland for my company picnic. 

I used to love it there!  When I was a kid, I used to beg my family to take me there.  I loved the Scooby Doo themed kiddie-coaster, I loved the antique car track and many, many other things.  As I got older, I still loved it there but for the THRILL rides – Drop Zone, The Bat (a roller coaster that goes backwards) and The Great Canadian Minebuster (the biggest wooden roller coaster in Canada). 

I loved it up until the day I realized I was too fat to go there anymore.  I went with my aunt and her children and I went with them on the kiddie roller coaster, I figured it was a warm up to the big ones later in the day.  We got to the front of the line and I climbed in the car with my cousin Emilie, who was seven at the time.  She was pretty tiny and it was a good thing, or the seat wouldn’t have held us both.  As it’s a kid’s coaster, it doesn’t go upside down and it’s lap-bar only to secure you in.  I pushed and pushed and pushed, trying to wedge my knees down closer to the front of the car (even though they were PRESSED into the metal desperately already) trying to free up enough space to get it to lock.  Eventually I did, but by then the ride attendant was standing there watching me with a look of horror on her face. 

I rode the ride in shame – feeling sickness for how fat and disgusting I was rise up in my gorge every time my stomach dropped on the inclines.  It was terrible.  Worse, I was bruised for A WEEK following the ride, all along my knees and across my thighs. 

Like most fat people, I wondered if I would ever ride another roller coaster again.

Yesterday, I rode them all.  Some of them twice.  At one point, I realized that I actually felt myself sliding around in the seat because it was too wide for my hips.  I grinned and laughed, I’m sure the person I was riding with thought it was the thrill of the coaster but it wasn’t.

It was the thrill of having a life again.  The thrill of having worked so hard and changed so much and gotten so much back in return.  I literally had the thrill of a lifetime on those coasters, in a way that most people will never understand.

I know that many of you, my bloggy friends, will understand the significance yesterday held for me.

Available Weight Watchers Points: 22

Breakfast:  1 cup Kashi cereal (-1)

1 cup mixed berries (-1)

1 serving fat-free yogurt (-1)

10 oz coffee, made with three 2 milk packets and two Splenda (0)

12 oz fresh pineapple (-1)

32 oz water consumed before lunch

Lunch: 1 whole wheat wrap, prepared with 2 TBSPS hummus, 66 oz lean chicken, red and green pepper strips and red onion (-3)

1 serving fat-free yogurt (-1)

1 All Bran Cinnamon Oat Bar (-2)

1 medium pear (-1)

10 oz hot tea, made with two 2% milk packets and one Splenda (0)

1 medium apple (-1)

30 minutes elliptical trainer, averaging 83 RPM on level 3 of the Random program (+2)

30 minutes treadmill – 5 mins warm up @ 3.7, 20 mins jogging @ 5.3, five mins cooldown (+2)

5 minutes stretching

40 oz water consumed between lunch and workout

Dinner: 3 oz grilled chicken breast, rolled in Mexican seasoning and garlic powder prior to grilling and then sliced (-3)

2 whole wheat wraps (-2)

Pepper strips (red and green) and yellow onion strips seared in pan with cooking spray (0)

1/4 cup fat-free Greek yogurt (-1)

1/4 cup of salsa (0)

1/6 of a cup of reduced-fat Mexican blend cheese (-1)

Dessert: 1 No Sugar Added Jello pudding (-1)

1 package Thin Addiction cranberry-almond biscotti (-2)

75 minutes yoga (+3)

10 oz water consumed from dinner till bedtime

Total points used: 22

Weekly points available:  29 (6 used)

Total AP earned:  7 (25 for the week)

Total AP used:  0

Total liquids consumed: 102 oz – 82 of them water


3 Responses to “Thriller”

  1. bonnie godzich Says:

    Thank you for sharing. Isn’t it wonderful when we discover the high points in our journey? Do not believe anyone who has not gone through the problems would ever understand how exciting the little things become.

  2. I’m so proud of you. Thank you for sharing your experience at the amusement park. I experienced exactly the same feelings of shame and then freedom. Amazing.

  3. Pam Says:

    Your post brought me to tears. Isn’t it amazing how much we lose by being fat? And we do it to ourselves, I think that’s why we’re so ashamed, when scales won’t weigh us or chairs break, we did this to ourselves. I’m so happy for you, getting your life back. I share with you the fear of maintenance. I think because I see so many people fail. Hell, I myself have failed at maintenance repeatedly. This time will be different. I WILL not get fat again. Of course I’m not even to my goal yet, 100 lbs. gone, 60 to go, but I’m worrying about it already.
    I love your blog, have read the entire thing in the last two days. Keep fighting the good fight girl and writing about it. You inspire us all!

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