A Perfect Version of Myself

Losing Weight is Hard

About Me December 2, 2008

My name is Tara and I’m a 28-year-old woman living near Toronto Canada.  I dispatch trucks for a living (sexy!) and I also work part-time at a bookstore, cause I love to read.  I started this blog in order to help me lose weight.

I was born in 1981 in a suburb of Toronto that has now become so expensive I can no longer afford to live there.  I was a very large baby – weighing in at almost ten pounds – but then my mother accidentally starved me (it’s a long story and it involves her being young, stupid, and unknowlegdable about breast feeding….man, she’ll kill me if she ever reads this) for six weeks and I became a normal sized baby.

I spent my early childhood as this tiny creature.  I was the smallest in my grade most of the time.  That started to change around the time I hit puberty.

I don’t believe I could have been called “fat”, but certain relatives made me feel like a marshmallow with legs.  My lovely, well-meaning grandmother in particular used to ride me about my weight like she had her eye on winning the Kentucky Derby.  She was constantly egging my mother into enrolling me in physical activity, some of which were horrible (softball *shudder*) and some of which were even worse (tae kwon do – although the black belt sometimes impresses people if I bring it up, which I don’t).

These things made me feel even worse.  Combined with a falling out with my father and some other typically teenage nonsense, I began to pack on the pounds.  By the time I graduated from high school, I was wearing a size 18 and weighed in the neighbourhood of 240 lbs (I have no evidence of this, for I never weighed myself).  I did not go to prom as I was unable to find a single dress that had sleeves on it and did not look appropriate for a mother of the bride.

Anyway.  Things got worse from there.  I continued to gain weight, feeling worse and worse about myself.  I joined Weight Watchers at least three times, managing to lose up to 15 lbs once.  I also tried all the fad diets out there and every single time I would fail. 

Eventually it got to the point where I was watching shows about housebound obese people and not only would I feel bad for them, but I was starting to see myself in them.  Starting to see how it’s easy to get there, one bite of food at a time.

I made a change.  I decided that I wanted to have a life, instead of watching other peoples fake lives on tv.  I wanted to have all the things I dreamed about (travel!  cute clothes! the ability to walk around the block!) and this time was going to be different.

It has been.  I’ve still got a long way to go, and I always will.  I don’t think this is a battle that can ever be won – it’s one of those fights I’ll be fighting for the rest of my life.  But it’s a fight I’m determined to win and one that I deserve to win.

How I’m doing it:

“Diet” Program: Weight Watchers – I follow the Flex Plan, counting points instead of calories.  I stay for meetings when I can. 

Exercise:  I get lots – I take Zumba, which is awesome!  I also take Body Pump once a week for strength training and I hit the gym three-four mornings a week for 30 minutes of the elliptical trainer, followed by 30 mins of interval jogging on the treadmill.  It sounds like a lot because it is.  Remember though, I started just walking on a treadmill for 10 minutes a morning and was shocked I could manage that much.

This blog has also been something of a savior.  Sometimes, while composing posts in my head, I figure out how I feel about something and why I feel that way.  I recommend blogging or keeping a journal to anyone trying to lose weight.


One Response to “About Me”

  1. Karine Sar Says:

    I love your blog. just discovered it today. i lost lots of weight in 2006 and kept it off for 2 years but then lost my mum and spiraled out of control. 16 months later, i am now 300lbs and back on the wagon. thanks for the inspiration and reminder that it can be done. K.

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