A Perfect Version of Myself

Losing Weight is Hard

I’ve Been Away November 30, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 3:19 pm
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I cannot let November pass without a post.  I just can’t do it.

Things in my life are so awesome.  Not good, but awesome.  Blogging has taken a bit of backseat because of that.  I might apologize here, but I’m not going to.  I love to blog, but not at the expense of living my real life.  I do miss you all, and I plan to get back to regular blog writing as much as possible.

I’m still maintaining my weight loss – I was within two pounds of my goal weight at my November weigh in and received Lifetime membership at Weight Watchers.  I am so proud of myself.  Sometimes I pull my Lifetime card out of my wallet and just stare at it.  It’s still like some kind of dream.

Another dream come true is that I have been hired by Weight Watchers!  The territory manager for my area approached me one of my weigh in days and asked me if I would be interested in becoming a leader.  OF COURSE I SAID YES!!!  I’m so excited.  I’ve completed my two days of leader training and my mentoring sessions start next week, along with the launch of the new program in Canada.  I’m so excited about the new program!  I’m not really allowed to dish the details but it’s amazing.  It is such a SMART program and I truly believe that when members get on-board with it, they’re going to love it.

I have finished my house – all the painting is done and all the unpacking is complete.  My room mates and I hosted a very successful housewarming party two weeks ago and celebrated being home.  It was very nice.

I’m also in love.  It’s new and exciting and terrifying, all at once.  I’m not super comfortable sharing all the details of my personal life online, but rest assured, I’ve never been happier.  I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my entire life.

My only complaint lately is my fitness routine.  I’ll admit it, I did really well when I first moved – I was managing to hit the gym or run around outside at least two or three times a week.  But then, the holiday season started, I started feeling like I had no time for myself and poof!  No more workouts.

I miss being fit!  And I can definitely notice a difference in the way my body looks and feels – even though I’m the same weight, eight weeks of not moving enough has left me feeling…softer.  Or something.  I don’t like it.  So, the plan to get back to my old ways (funny, my old ways USED to be the way I’ve been living lately) right away.  I’m headed to spinning tonight and Thursday and I’m all set to hit yoga on Saturday.  I figure I’ll get three sessions (two cardio, one strength or flexibility) in per week until after the holidays and then I should be able to do a bit more.

Tomorrow marks the two-year anniversary of me changing my life.  It’s been a wild two years, and there were some dark times, but it’s all been worth it.  I’m the best “me” I’ve ever been.

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Had Enough November 16, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 8:46 pm
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I went to the gym today for the first time since my surgery.  I know I mentioned I was going to go in Hawkesbury, but I thought better of it and decided to heed my doctor’s recommendation to wait.  I saw him on Friday and he cleared me to go back to working out.

Today was rough.  My legs felt fine, my body felt strong, but my lungs.  I haven’t had burning in my lungs from being out of breath in a VERY long time.  Six minutes into the elliptical machine, I had to stop to drink some water and clear my throat.  My lungs were working overtime.

Still, I finished my full hour of workout and left the gym feeling pleased as punch.  It was hard, but I did it.

I got home tonight, changed into lounge clothes and realized my belly button felt kinda sore.  In the last hour, it’s gone from kinda sore to “wow, I really can’t have my waistband sit there”.  It’s turned bright red and it looks very angry.

Fuck.

I’m going to have to go and see my doctor and see what I’ve done to myself.  This whole surgery thing sucks.

I’m going to weigh in tomorrow for the first time in weeks.  I’m nervous.

 

Doctor, Doctor October 16, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tara @ 2:54 pm
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I had my annual physical yesterday.  A few things have changed since last October and for the first time in my life I wasn’t DREADING the experience (I wasn’t looking forward to it either – hello, stirrups!).

Last year, I was so overweight that the scale in my doctor’s office couldn’t weigh me.  It’s capacity was *only* 300 lbs, so my doctor just wrote “over 300 lbs” on my chart and left it at that.  I remember seeing that and feeling horrible about myself.  The words “MORBIDLY OBESE” seemed to jump off the page at me, screaming out how far I’d let my life get away.  I cried all the way home (stopping at a drive thru to grab lunch though).  The part that bothered me most was the most insignificant in the grand scheme of things – the paper gown they make you wear barely squeezed onto my upper arms and didn’t come close to closing at the back.  For some reason, that was the most humiliating part of a pretty embarrassing experience.

This time?  Totally different.  My blood pressure (which has always been pretty low) averaged 106 over 68 and my resting pulse rate was 50 BPM.  My doctor couldn’t believe that – she took it three times to make sure.  She told me that only athletes have a resting pulse that low, leading me to crow with delight (in my head – I’m not THAT crazy)!  It’s the first time I’ve ever had anything in common with an athlete except a tendency to carb-load.  Apparently it IS possible to be both fat AND fit!  Woo!  She even wrote that my BMI is “an extremely healthy 35”.  I guess to show that even though it’s still too high, she’s not too concerned.

It was one of the best doctors visits I’ve ever had (stirrups included).

She also reassured me that I won’t have giant boobs forever.  I didn’t mention this before, but I recently went bra shopping and was horrified to discover that, although I’ve lost more than 8 inches in my band size, I’m EXACTLY THE SAME CUP SIZE!!  That’s right!  My boobs are giant!  I’m a 38F these days – which is insane!  No one gets that narrow, while staying that full!  The lady at the store told me that if I get down to a 34 (which is possible, I still have back fat and 75 lbs to lose), my bras will have to be special ordered.  Gah.  I’m so terrified I’m going to end up looking like a Jessica!  Simpson or Rabbit, either one is no good!

Anyway.  My doctor told me that when I get to within ten to fifteen pounds of my goal weight, come and see her.  If my boobs are still that large, she’ll send me to have a reduction and lift.  Apparently, it’s not just an aesthetic problem, it will also affect my back, shoulders and neck and therefore it will be medically necessary.  Medically necessary = paid for by government health care.

So there you go – another first for me.  A doctors visit that didn’t end in tears/rage.